Several years ago Kimberly Iverson wrote a blog post called “Mirror, Mirror in My Kid—Reflecting All I Said and Did.” This insightful little piece talked about how our children often show us what is truly in our heart and behavior. In fact, the whole parenting process often seems to be a giant exercise in revealing the glaring flaws in our personal character, patience, and godliness.

Think about your own parenting experience. Those initial infant months test the limits of your patience and show you what sacrificial giving and love is all about. Then come the toddler years where walking, talking, and attitude come into play. This stage is where you really being to realize that children don’t take long to display a sinful, rebellious spirit. As children continue to grow and mature, they don’t lose that rebellious spirit, but instead find more sophisticated and devious ways to enact sinful desires. And yet, we also recognize that this spirit is so often a reflection of our own attitudes and actions. Our own poor examples have a way of showing up in our children in startling and unsettling ways. They repeat that word that we know we shouldn’t say (just to name one).

Even when we are setting the proper example, we find that they do the exact same things that we did when we were kids. We remember our own rebelliousness and see it show up in them as well. And so, Mrs. Iverson’s point is that our kids are the reflection of all that we said and did. 

But as I thought of this concept a bit more, I found that it is probably even broader than the parent-child relationship. Perhaps the reflection of “all that we say and do” is not merely limited to our children but extends to all of those that we significantly influence in our lives. I know this to be the case in my own home and not just with my children. If I come home with a sour attitude or an angry disposition, this sets the tone for the entire evening with my wife and children that often results in conflict, hurt, and further sin. However, if I come home and ask after how her day was and seek to care for and lead my family towards kindness and service to one another and the Lord, then it sets a tone that results in love, care, and peace. My actions and attitudes lead my wife and the rest of my family in a particular path. In other words, they reflect my leadership towards either a sinful path or a holy one. 

This is the case all around us, whether at home, work, church, or any other venue where we carry influence. People reflect what we show them. Of course, this does not clear each person of their personal responsibility for their own actions. However, the principle still remains that we tend to act like those we hang around, and those who hang around us tend to reflect our example.

This presents two challenges for us. First, we should look to those around us and consider how their actions might be a reflection of our influence. Are we setting the right kind of example? Think of Paul’s exhortations to Timothy:

Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe. —1 Tim. 4:12 (NASB)

Are we providing an example in “speech, conduct, love, faith and purity”? If not, then let us repent in humility and offer a better example. Let us help people reflect Christ by reflecting His character ourselves.

Second, we need to be under proper influences ourselves. We should find godly influences in the community of believers and most importantly in the character of the Lord Himself. Find a mentor from whom you can see truly godly character and learn to imitate them as they imitate Christ (1 Cor. 11:1).

Consider these passages on our primary example in godly living.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. —Hebrews 12:1–3 (NASB) 

By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked. —1 John 2:3–6 (NASB)